


anesthesia

by thereisnobearonthisisland



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 00:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14032161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereisnobearonthisisland/pseuds/thereisnobearonthisisland
Summary: phil wakes up and dan isn't in bed.  he finds him in the lounge and does what he can to coax him into sleep.





	anesthesia

Phil’s hand met cold air as he reached for Dan in his early morning haze.  “Mm, Dan?” No answer. He rolled closer to Dan’s side of the bed--maybe he’d shifted to the edge in his sleep again--and stretched out his arm.  But it was empty. Dan wasn’t there. Again.

Phil forced his eyes open and sat up.  The flat was silent, but that didn’t mean Dan wasn’t there.  He kicked his legs over the side of the bed and sat there for a moment, ruffling his hair and letting out a long breath.  Squeezing his eyes shut, he hopped over the side of the bed and planted his bare feet on the chilly floor. The air around him was nearly as cold, but Phil hardly noticed.  He was more focused on the way his throat was swelling up and goading him to get out to Dan and help him figure out what was wrong.

He pressed forward, one foot at a time, not even bothering to keep his heavy feet quiet.  It would probably be more beneficial for the both of them if Dan could hear him approaching.  When Phil finally entered the lounge, he found Dan sitting stiffly straight on the couch, staring straight ahead at the black screen of their TV.  

“Dan,” he said softly as he approached the back of the couch.  “You weren’t in bed.”

“Yeah.”  He sounded like gears grinding against each other.  He sniffed once, and Phil made his way around to the front of the couch to get a good look at him.  His eyes were rimmed with red and glassy, his cheeks no longer rosey but pale, pale, _pale_.  Phil stopped in front of him, reaching a hand out so he could swipe his thumb over the arch of Dan’s cheekbone.  

“Did you sleep at all?” he murmured, leaning down to press his lips to Dan’s forehead.  

Dan visibly gulped but didn’t say anything.  He just bit his dry, chapped lip and shook his head.

Phil nodded.  “Okay. Coffee?”

“No.  I don’t think I can stomach it.”

Phil kissed his forehead again.  “Okay. Water then.”

He made his way to the kitchen and fixed a cup of instant coffee for himself and a glass of water for Dan.  He knew what this was about, but he also knew that Dan needed to talk about it. With the drinks balanced precariously in his unsteady hands, he walked back into the lounge and handed the glass of water to Dan.

“Drink.”

Dan drank.  Within thirty seconds, he’d downed the whole glass and was licking his lips for any excess water.

“Do you want some more?”  Phil took a sip of his coffee.

Dan shook his head.  “No. I think I just want to lie down.”

Phil nodded and sat down at the far end of the couch, placing his mug on the side table and patting his lap.  “Head.”

Dan crawled over on the couch, laying his head in Phil’s lap and stretching out his legs to the other end of the couch.  Phil picked up his coffee again and threaded his fingers through Dan’s thick dark curls.

“Talk to me,” he whispered.

“I want to die, Phil.”

Phil’s breath caught in his throat, but he forced it down.  He twisted one of Dan’s curls around his finger. “I know you do, Danny.  But I’d really like it if you stuck around and hung out with me today.”

Dan cracked a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.  “I guess we’re at an impasse, then.” The grin fell from his face, and he sniffed again.  “They _hate_ me.”  His voice cracked.

Phil sighed, setting his coffee down again, and used his now free hand to wipe away the tears that were beginning to spill out Dan’s eyes.  “Shh, no they don’t. Your subscribers love you. That’s why they care so much.”

“But they keep saying that they’re not sure they can watch my videos anymore.  That what I was really manipulative in my liveshow. All I said was that I wished people would pay more attention to the actual message of the video than a fucking dick joke.”

“They’re not upset about what you said, Dan.  They’re upset about how you said it. You know that I’ll always support any decision you make.”  Phil swiped his thumb over Dan’s bottom lip. “But I do think it might have helped both you and them if you’d waited a couple more days to do your liveshow.”  

Dan sighed, his warm breath spilling out over Phil’s hand.  “You’re right. I hate it when you’re right.”

Phil pinched his cheek lightly.  “I know.” He grabbed his coffee again and took a few more hot and bitter sips.  They were enveloped in silence again, but it wasn’t nearly as tense as it had been before.  Dan’s breaths were slowing, his eyes drifting shut and his head growing heavier in Phil’s lap as the time passed.

“I called Elizabeth earlier,” Dan said after about ten minutes, his voice heavy and slurred with exhaustion.  “I have an appointment at four. Can you make sure I’m up by two-thirty?”

“Mm, of course.  Do you want me to come with you?”

“Would you want to?”

Phil smoothed his hair back.  “I always want to be where you are.”

“Mm, okay.  Come.” Dan’s eyes slipped shut, and Phil smiled down at him, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Okay,” he whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! if you have a tumblr, come and visit me at laddyplester :)


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